I recently went to an appointment where I was expecting to have a chat about my ADHD and get prescribed medication but it took a heck of a heck of a turn.
Way back in Feb 2023 I had an appointment with the doctor (that I had to book 6 weeks earlier 🙃) and I left so excited I was about to get my ADHD under some sort of control and start to find things easier. I was given a massive pile of form to fill in and told I’d likely be seen in around 8 weeks as I already had a history. But it all fucked up and my forms were in the Drs tray for 19weeks and 6 days! In that time I had reluctantly made several phone calls at the 16 week mark and even went in twice before the notes were found! By week 28 I wrote an email to try get my appointment expedited and I eventually got a reply to say I was in the system and will be seen at the earliest availability.
The
1 year 1 month and 3 weeks after my Drs visit I got the appointment so by his logic it was 51 weeks late.
Arrived at the office right on time and was asked to take a seat. Within 5 minutes a lovely nurse asked me to come through I asked if my husband was ok to come along and she said he can but usually we like first appointments alone but it’s not a problem.
We started with the normal questions about what I thought was going on and what were my main concerns but the lady kept probing at different things I had said and ended up going deeper into my mind than I imagined. It felt like she had pulled back some brambles and found a secret garden that had been hidden away buried deep under a heap of other plants masking the walls.
So turns out the ADHD issues aren’t necessarily the biggest concern and that’s being pushed to the side for a little while, while we get a plan in place for what she described as a ‘deep rooted anxiety disorder’ and ‘catastrophic thinking’. I will have another appointment in April and apparently I will see a psychiatrist and psychologist and look at medication and find some strategies to understand and cope with everything. Charlie (husband who I took along for support as I was nervous going on my own 🙈 hey look anxiety) and I both came away feeling shocked we hadn’t realised how deep of an issue it was. I felt so confused and realising that so much of what has been my normal is so NOT normal but we have just found ways around my anxieties to make everything function. I knew I had social anxiety, being on my own outside and phone call anxiety and the more I thought about what makes me anxious I knew about other things but never really clicked that it wasn’t normal.
So now I feel anxious waiting for the next appointment as I don’t know exactly when it will be or who it will be with at this point. I thought I knew me but I am now questioning so much.
Also wish I had pushed more last year to get the appointments sorted but it seems clearer why I hadn’t. Im still tempted to put in a formal complaint about the lack of care and failure to process my notes but I’m already too nervous to return to the doctors so have been putting off things I know I should get checked out.
I’m so nervous about all that is to come and I guess that’s normal as the lady said that I have to be ready for it because if I’m not ready they can’t truly help me but just give me some coping mechanisms. I really do want to feel more normal and struggle less. I really hope that I can get to the point of doing the school run without worry and panic as apparently that isn’t what everyone else is going through while waiting for their children at home time.
